All That I Wish For...Updated for 2016

The holidays are upon us and, the frenzy has begun in the marketplace. All over the internet, I see videos of Black Friday shoppers gone amok — snatching the blenders and video game consoles out of each other's hands and throwing better blocks and holds than I see most Sundays watching pro football. If you are one of the brave souls that camps out, waits in line, and goes forth into the front lines of battle for this season's hottest items, I admire and respect your courage - but on my holiday wish list this year, you will not find anything you can buy in a store. Just a heads up . . . 

In the wake of losing my mom, I have spent the last year taking a hard look at what is important . . . what I am spending my time on. Grief conspires to steal energy, so the need to figure out where to place my limited resources has been of the utmost importance. What do I really need?  What do I really want? What do I really value? How do I really want to spend the limited time that I have left after the rent is paid and the food is bought? What I have discovered is that the most important and meaningful gifts cannot be found in a mall and are far too priceless to measure. So, I saw a blog on Elephant Journal recently about free gift ideas and was inspired to write out my holiday wish list.  Here it is, in no particular order of desirability :)

Quality Time: Presence instead of Presents. Of the list of ways people feel love that Gary Chapman looks at in his book The 5 Love Languages, quality time is the one that most resonates with me. If you want me to really feel your care, spending good, uninterrupted, undistracted time with me is the greatest gift of all. Put away your phone (texts included) and have a conversation with me, go for a walk with me, eat a meal with me, meditate with me, go to a museum with me. It's the time together that matters...not what we do with it.

Connect With Me: In my wallet, I have a number of tiny pieces of paper — each with a note from someone I love and admire. I take them out and read them often when I am feeling down, when my confidence is low, or when I just need a little something to help me remember the love in my life. At the time they were written, it is unlikely that the authors had any idea what they would come to mean to me or that their value in my heart would grow and grow and grow. Call me on the phone, send me a letter, write me a note, shoot me an email, send me a text. Let me know that I randomly entered your thought stream on any given day.  It doesn't have to be long or fancy.

Create Something for Me: I have so many creative and talented people in my life . . . people that write, people that sing and play instruments, people that paint, people that build, people that draw, people that photograph. One of my most anticipated holiday gifts each year is the card I get from a local photographer and good friend. Every year, his card is a picture that he has taken, and it is always stunning. You put your heart into what you create . . . give me that.

Cook for Me: A meal, or a snack. Cookies . . . leftovers. I love to cook, and I know how much heart I put into everything that I make — especially when I know I am going to share it with someone I care about. Again . . .  I'm not fancy. It can be a 6 course meal or a grilled cheese sandwich or celery sticks with peanut butter. It's not about the food, it's about the offering. You want me to not be hungry. That says "love" to me.

Encourage Me: The second most resonating "Love Language" for me is words of affirmation. Tell me what is good about me. Tell me what I contribute to your life. Much of the time, I feel like a total fuck up — so words that counter that are true gifts. I hang onto them, I cherish them, and I remember them when I need them. Inspire me to do something that I normally wouldn't do, motivate me to reach a goal that I may be falling short of, remind me that I am ok exactly as I am.

Save Me Time and Money: One of my biggest irritations in life is driving. If I ever get the opportunity to live in a place with really good public transportation, I am so there. Offer to drive when we go somewhere. Offer me a spot on your couch if you know I will be in your neck of the woods on my travels. Drop me off or pick me up at the airport. Send me coupon codes for online sites or stores that you know I love and use.

One of Your Treasures: I have a rock that I carry in my pocket all the time. It was given to me by someone important in my life. She didn't go out and buy it for me. She had it and loved it, and thought it might be useful to me when I needed something to help me feel safe and grounded, so she gave it to me. It's a simple trinket, but it reminds me of her care every time I look at it. And that is a true gift indeed.

Make a Donation: I am one of the most blessed people in the world. I have all I need - food, shelter, clothing, healthcare, an education, a pretty secure, well paying job — this makes me a minority on the planet. So many people are without the most basic of necessities. Look into your heart, and out into the world.  Find something that connects us as humans and give where there is need. Do it in my name, or do it in your own...or even as a memorial (I can't think of anything that would make my mom happier).  It doesn't matter — these holidays are a time to make a difference for others. Do that. Here is a website with some really great ideas to get you started:  http://gifts.rescue.org

There you have it - all of the things that make me smile the biggest. No matter what faith you practice or holiday you celebrate, this is a season to pause a little (I know, I know...so hard in the busyness of it all), slow down, and remember to connect with the love that we have in our lives.

May you be filled with the spirit of the holiday season, no matter your celebration.  

May the love of all things holy and sacred dwell in your heart.

May all beings everywhere know goodwill, joy, and peace.